Entries
by KirBy1
Summary: The Tamer's Journal entries. Buckets of Angst,Drug Abuse, and Teenaged Issues.LEEKATO,HIROTA,JEKI.Yaoi/Yuri lime.*FINAL CHAPTER UP*
1. Jagged Razors

Entries..  
  
By: Kirbystar_86  
  
A/N: I read a book havin journal entries for the basis' and i thought it'd be sugoi if i did something like that, sorta going thru a revolution as far as writting goes so you'll see more of this.Anyways, Tamers angst. bit a humor here and there and the what not i hope ya enjoy and i FINALLY get some reviews on this..err well need to write to do that...Ja-ne for now! ^^;  
  
Oh yeah plus some other crud that might not be clearly labeled.  
  
~=New chapter or entry  
  
*=something intense or signifies something seriouse  
  
()=switching P.O.V  
  
  
  
~  
  
(Takato's Journal)  
  
Entry: Jan, 03  
  
I did it again, not that i meant to, it just happened.  
  
I swore on the holy bible i just wouldnt...but this time i couldnt help myself.  
  
It was right after school i had just gotten out, which normally I'd be happy but now, now everything just seems to get worse and worse.  
  
Maybe i should start from the beginning..  
  
You see its been 5 years since our final battle as Tamers and things just gotten...weird...of course after we had finished our battles our digimon had to stay in the digital world, that was hard enough seeing how close we all had gotten to our partners..  
  
But thats not why Im depressed..  
  
Everyone just changed afterwards, no-one even acted the same, well quite the same i should say.  
  
Juri's attitude towards life suddenly became harsh after she lost Leomon, she wasnt that sweet innocent slightly-derranged girl i once knew...even possibly loved.  
  
I couldnt even get close to her, and it didnt end there, nope, not until i caught her and Ruki in the 'moment'.  
  
I couldnt believe it, Juri...like *that* it just didnt seem to compute with my mind  
  
Not that anything does.  
  
Afterwards she annouced it to all us guys, now their dating, after those words were spoken they echoed through my mind, i could just feel my world grow darker.  
  
Anyways, On to Ruki, not only did she now screw the girl i think i may have once loved, but she does it for money!  
  
Thats right, they do it, on stage in a bar way down in Kinbunchi, the whorehouse for all of japan, she mainly got the job for the money, but when she heard Juri would do it to she jumped to sign a 5 year contract with that low-down place.  
  
Boils down to them getting up to 100,000 yen a night.  
  
Kenta now currently works in morge which i cant even grasp either, i mean i never imagined him, who techincally when we were younger was the cowardest of us all, now works with the dead.  
  
It creeps me out, now he's actually looking that way, starting to get all gothic like and plus he works at night, long hours, giving him a grim look.  
  
Not that Kazu minds, yeah their an item too, isnt it lovely how things work out?  
  
Anyways Kazu gets off that his lil baby' of a friend now is the bad- boy- street- punk- ' i get to chop up dead bodies at midnight'- goth that screws him like no tomorrow.  
  
I dont even want to think of what they do in that creepy place,late at night when no-one is around.  
  
As far as Kazu goes he's working for a body shop, building/fixing cars all the time, he loves it, go fig, He says he's working on some secret project that will revolutionize racing and he's gonna be the first to test it...Good luck.  
  
As far as Ryo goes, i havent seen him after our last battle and we havent talked that much either, ever since he kissed me when we were staying at that castle.  
  
*flashback*  
  
I couldnt sleep that night i keept twisting and turning, either it was that or Kazu's snoring, anyways, I got up slipping on my shoes and walking around in the dark and tripping over variouse people/things until i found the door..  
  
I saw a shadow, standing in the moonlight, Ryo.  
  
As I got a better view i found him starring up at the sky, slightly leaned on the wall..  
  
"Takato?" he asked.  
  
"How'd ya know?" i asked walking closer.  
  
"I just sense these things, Ive kind of been alone for awhile so you get used to not having people around, and when there is, it seems like you get some kind of sixth sense."  
  
"That's kinda neat, Lonely-ness makes the senses grow keener!" i tried to laugh at the corny joke i made, he remained silent.  
  
I looked at him but i didnt recieve a glance back "Why dont you just go home?"i asked wondering why he had been alone oh so long.  
  
"I cant." he sighed "There's no way, you guys have to.."  
  
"Have to what?" i asked.  
  
"Have to finish what you came here to start I can only leave when my destiny is full-filled."  
  
"What do you mean? What's your 'destiny'?!"  
  
He kicked the sand, and looked up at me with bright cyan eyes, that now seemed almost saddened.  
  
"I dont know, I cant even hardly remember the real-world, Ive been here so long. Ive done countless quests and have had countless digimon, taming them all, i've tried everything but the Holy Beasts dont want me to leave, sure they congradulate me on destroying the bad-guys but they always say my work isnt done. Im so tired and lost, i dont want to be here anymore."  
  
He took a deep breath looking down at the ground.  
  
"And now, I think my destiny is to stay here forever, just taming digimon, just being the best tamer, being here is my destiny, Ryo Akiyama legendary Tamer, Knowledge of all digimon, Keeper of both worlds. I think Takato, I think Im just going to die here, alone in the desert.."  
  
I saw a tear drip down into the sand.  
  
"I dont want be alone anymore."  
  
He sat down on the ground burring his face in his hands, sobbing his heart out.  
  
I knelted close by him patting him on the back. "Dont worry..It'll be fine Im sure."  
  
"NO! Its destiny, you cant change it, its meant like this!"  
  
"Destiny doesnt have anything to do with this! Ryo, your going home, i swear it!"  
  
The sobbing stopped.  
  
He looked up at me, with tear filled eyes and sniffled.  
  
"Really?" he asked as if he was a little kid asking for candy or something.  
  
"I'll try my best, You'll see." I gave him a smile and i got one in return.  
  
He whiped his eyes "Thanks Takato."  
  
And then, as if out of the blue, he just leaned over, grabbing my chin and drawing me in closer as his lips gently pressed into mine.  
  
It did feel good, I'd have to admit, but i didnt resist he was alone for quite awhile, it must have been building up.Actually i didnt do anything at least i dont think i did, it was all settling into me what i was doing or him, i cant even remeber what happened,or even if i was even kissing back...  
  
It seemed to last forever then he drew away blushing under the moonlight.  
  
"Im so sorry Takato...I didnt mean to...Please dont tell anybody.." he pleaded.  
  
"Its ok..I won't tell anyone.." I said getting up and walking inside.  
  
Ryo Akiyama, had just kissed me..  
  
My first kiss..  
  
Was from a boy..  
  
Like me..  
  
Im sure he didnt mean anything out of it, he was just alone, and Im sure contact like that had been missed, if ever experienced.  
  
But it did get me to thinking, thinking things i didnt want to..things i didnt even know exsisted in my mind.As if I had burried them somewhere deep, not wanting to admit the truth....I'll get to that later.  
  
I hear Ryo is working for the orginal digimon company or something, anyways he's around Kyoto now.  
  
Onward to Lee, out of all of us, he hasnt seemed to change much at all, he's still the same quiet steady-as-a-rock guy we all knew.  
  
Only his silence has grown deeper, and hardly anyone can get a word out of him edge-wise.  
  
He's still doing martial-arts, Going in for a second degree black-belt already,and he also helps Kazu in the body-shop sometimes, normally he just fixes motorcycles or welds things, not only that but he also works on electronics and programs in his spare time.  
  
Almost incredibly amazing he doesnt have anybody, or that he isnt invovled in a job dealing with sex, or drugs or has a bad mental disorter..  
  
Like me..  
  
You see i have something called sadomasochism, its where you self-mutalate yourself for pleasure,or if you will, cut, pretty sick huh? It all started after i found about about Juri, i went manically depressed, i had violent mood-swings and I'd just zone out, I wasnt on anything,but before.. something, something horrible happened..  
  
*flashback*  
  
One day I had seen a little girl playing outside she had thrown her ball a bit too hard across the street and went to get it, I was on the other side, I picked it up and she smiled and raced towards me, I almost felt good about doing it until a drunk driver came racing by swourving he couldnt possibly stop in time, it hit her so hard her head was practically falling off her neck.  
  
In a split second a life so innocent could be taken, i just dropped the ball and ran.  
  
After that i'd have horrible nightmares, where it'd seem so real, and not just normal monster things but where i would go into hell itself, and not hell fire and pitchforks, no i mean the appitimy of human devistation.  
  
I'd never think I'd wake up and then i would i swore their'd be blood covering my body but it was only sweat, thats when i started cutting, to relieve myself...  
  
  
  
But something else too, not just Juri or witnessing a horrible death, no it was someone else..  
  
  
  
Jenyra Lee.  
  
  
  
Again Im so sorry, i swore i wouldnt think of him, everytime i do i cut, my arms are scarred up badly and everytime someone ask i just tell them i hurt myself riding my bike or something.  
  
Infact its so bad I have to start cutting my chest,stomach and legs.  
  
All lies..  
  
Anyways Back to Lee, he was on my mind ever since I found out about Juri, i think it could have been before that like before i could admit it or see I had feelings for him, as if i burried them somewhere deep inside refusing to let it out..  
  
Not that he had ever done anything to me, Well....  
  
He did hurt me,remembering it now, just that once, he didnt mean to, i know it..  
  
He had came over to see me at my house, when he had walked up-stairs opening the door to see blood running down my arms as i pressed a sharp razor deep into my skin, in the muscle, almost to the bone..  
  
I didnt mean to, I jumped when he came in, and i pressed harder than normal, and before i could even react to anything that was going on he ran up and punched me in the jaw..  
  
Hard.  
  
Now you dont pick fights with someone getting a second degree in martial arts, not that i picked a fight, then the weirdest thing happened...  
  
He started crying.  
  
Then he just ran out,before i had a chance to do anything, then i started crying too, i havent spoken to him since then, that was almost a month ago..  
  
  
  
Now Im in a dark alley by the school, Im unzipping my backpack, opening a small sack i keep with me, pulling out one of my sharp razors and rolling up my sleeve looking for just one clean spot to stick my razor..  
  
I find one small spot..  
  
I shutter as i feel the cold sharp metal press against my warm skin then I extert pressasure with it into my skin, drawing the blood and sending a rush of pain that was almost pleasure throughout my body..  
  
I lay my head against the graffitti stained brick wall i was leaning against, closing my eyes and drifting into some other world..  
  
.....Im sorry Lee.  
  
  
  
A/N:Woah, i think i may have a plot, R/R and tell me if ya want more! Even though i plan on writting more anyhow, it'd help :) 


	2. Violent Impulses

Entries..  
  
A/N:Chapter 2 offical, basically Hirota, I can so seeing this happen, anyways, Yaoi and lemon for this chapter plus a bit of humor and small drug abuse, yadda yadda, anyways here goes! ^^  
  
Oh yeah one last word, is my fics even gettin up on FF.net or show up in the lists? Cause i never see them lying around or anything, either that or Im a horrible writer!I hope not!! *sobs* Ooook well, Im just bothering you now so go on and read!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~  
  
(Kenta's Journal)  
  
Entry; 1.4, 3:44 a.m.  
  
Dailated pupils,pulse--none, bullet found by heart punctured through a lung, probably drowned in his own blood...  
  
I sighed filling out the form on the newly-dead body brought in an hour ago, I just now got around to checking it out for the police, seems their was a shooting in a gang, this guy was just a by-stander.  
  
"Hey ya better stop hanging around them dere' dead folks ore' ya gonna end up bein' one!" yelled the jaintor from the halls, i gave him a go-to-hell look and went back to my work.  
  
"I hate the living." i mumbled under my breath.  
  
I sighed glancing at my watch, hmmn, 3:45 a.m. I'll get off in a few,Kazu- chan should be here soon.  
  
I walked over to my desk, placing my report of the new body on my desk I layed back in my chair, trying to rest.  
  
God i was tired, when i was younger i was more of a morning person, but not THIS early..  
  
Its really weird how i got into this and all, Im not even sure now or anything...  
  
After MarineAngemon was left in the digital i was pretty depressed, I tried to move on honestly not trying to screw up my life, everyone did seem a bit different after out last battle but nothing too seriouse, at least at that time..  
  
I tried retracing my steps before this 'destiny' unfolded for me, before i even thought of things like that, though after me and Kazu saw Guilmon we sorta started thinking that way..  
  
We were such idiots..  
  
I mean i did like him for the longest time, after going through the digital world you learn alot about yourself and whoever your with...  
  
Of course that was the place we, heh, revialed our feelings...  
  
It was everything we could have possibly wished for..  
  
And more..  
  
But anyways, afterwards we kept most of it undewraps that me and Kazu had screwed on that 'hot-day' by that pond, that we were homosexual..  
  
Even after the digital world, we kept going, its been great, I love my Kazu- chan but he, he can be such a dork at times..  
  
Soon though, precisly 3 months after that my mother died, It was quite a trauma, I got even more depressed and started drinking heavily..  
  
It got bad, I was a violent drunk, one time, i had a 'rage-fit' and something horrible happened..  
  
*flashback*  
  
I had just swigged down the last beer in the 12-pack, I tried to get up and I felt horribly dizzy and everything around me was blurred..  
  
My father was working late again, it had been hard for us and one of the only 'nessicities' we could afford was achohol.  
  
I had tried to walk to bed only tripping over my messy room, falling down and cutting my leg on a broken beer bottle..  
  
I cursed to myself and tried to get up, only to notice, or what i could see, blood running down my leg..  
  
I shrugged it off, and got up again, it seemed like forever for me to stand up again, when i got to my feet they felt too weak to even stand.  
  
I remember going out onto the streets, it was so cold that day, so cold it made my fingertips numb, but that didnt matter everything was numb throughout my body..  
  
I had went somewhere, Im not sure where, it smelt really bad whereever it was and their were alot of thrugs and roughians around, I went up to the bartender and asked for something to drink..  
  
"Arent you a bit young?" he asked me.  
  
I dont know what came over me or why, I just grabbed his shirt collar in a fit of rage  
  
"LISTEN Old-Man, I came here with money and if you dont give me want I want things are going to get VERY painful for you!!!!"  
  
Some people got up and tried pulling me back from the guy, i can bearly remember it was so fuzzy, I was punching the guy and i didnt even know it, and then someone jerked me away..  
  
Whoever that was i turned around and started kicking them in the stomach throwing them down, i grabbed a empty beer bottle on a table and busted it open, i slashed the person violently a few times..  
  
"Kenta!!!! Why are you doing this?!" the person cried..  
  
How could he know my name?  
  
I whiped the tears from my eyes, my vision slightly adjusting to see the person's face clearly..  
  
It was Kazu.....  
  
I'll never forget that look on his face, he was bleeding and brutially hurt, he had deep cuts on his arms and one on his neck, his lower right rib was fractured and he had to be sent to the hospital..  
  
I went with them, even though I was the one who caused it...  
  
I sobbed and cried, apologised a million times, turns out he had to rest for 2 weeks and only got 12 stiches..  
  
"You only hurts the ones you love.." he commented in the hospital, it was amazing how he could still make corny jokes in such stupid situations..  
  
He decided not to press charges but i was put in juvy for 3 months due to assualt and trying to buy subtence underaged..  
  
Afterwards i got out, I swore to Kazu I'd never ever do that again, no matter what..  
  
He just laughed and kissed me, and then i knew, knew he truely loved me..  
  
But since I was acclamed so much as a 'bad-ass' after the whole incident I started dressing gothic, I also became fasinated by the human body, and since i couldnt stand working on someone alive and killing them, Like i almost did with my Kazu-Kun i decided to help in the morge as a part time job...  
  
And that's basically it, the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth..  
  
I hear a creak and turn around, Kazu is standing at the door smiling and he's got a bag in his hand..  
  
"Hey Kenta!" he said happily walking over..  
  
"Hi, your late."  
  
"Geez there is a thing called traffic, anyways I picked up some things while i was coming here."he said opening the bag.  
  
"Hmn?"  
  
He handed me a little packet and i looked down at it..  
  
"Strawberries and cream flavored condoms?!"  
  
"Their latex, i know how you hate that lamb-skin crap.."  
  
"Your kidding right?"  
  
"No! Dude, these are suppose to be great." he said smiling "If you want, You can try them out now.."  
  
"Let me get this straight, you wanna have sex with me, right now, with strawberries and cream flavored condoms, in a morge?"  
  
He nodded quickly, pulling me close to his lips "Yeah, Im sure they wont mind."  
  
I laughed and he kissed me gently on the lips, it grew more passionate and the next thing I know he's pulling off my shirt, running his hands over my deadly pale skin and my dragon tattoo..  
  
He went down furthur along my neck "Did you get that tounge ring?"  
  
"Mmm Hmmn" I groaned as his hands made contact with my erection..  
  
He ran his tounge over the pulse in my neck..  
  
"Ooh Kazu.." I moaned..  
  
He's tugging at my pants now, I dont even bother to wear underwear anymore, their so confining, he starts bucking up against me roughly, grinding his manhood into mine..  
  
It'd been a few weeks now and I was starting to long this..it continued, my moans getting louder, Kazu tried his best to muffle them out with kisses but it couldnt help it..  
  
"Their's a motel right across the street if you two are gonna do that!" the old janitor yelled at us..  
  
Kazu stopped looking behind him..  
  
"Piss-ant." I cursed to myself..  
  
"Well" Kazu asked..  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"What are you waiting for, i cant wait to try these things out!"  
  
I blushed, pulling up my pants.  
  
"Im sure you do.." I said smiling..  
  
-  
  
A/N: OK, Not so experience with lime but you can imagine what those two are gonna do! Next up, YURI! ;) 


	3. Party Crashers

Entries..  
  
A/N:Juki chapter, my first ACTUAL attempt at yuri, but not much to worry, I AM a girl.  
  
Yes contary to popular belief I AM! Anyways, a bit of lime and some fluff at the end,Leeki mentioning. Chapter 4 is more Leekato! And That'll be the end of the fic, man i cant believe im gonna finish this thing =D.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
~  
  
(Juri's Journal)  
  
Jan 5.  
  
I had just finished working at the bar with Ruki as i normally did, i was pretty tired and just wanted to go home and eat some dinner, unfortunately Ruki had different ideas.  
  
"Have you got your coat?" she asked putting on her bra in the dressing room.  
  
"Huh? Oh yes, its was kinda cold so i grabbed it before we left the apartment." i said cleaning my naked sweaty body off.  
  
"Great, you'll need it."  
  
I looked at her suspiciously and shrugged, surely my lover wouldnt make me do something dangerouse, after all, we had been lovers for 3 years now, i was pretty sure i could trust her with anything.  
  
  
  
( An hour later )  
  
  
  
We're walking out the door now, we finally got our paychecks for the week plus what we collect at the bar, so its a pretty good week. Ruki's saying goodbye to the rest of the girls holding the door, Im standing outside, the wind is piercingly cold but i dont mind.  
  
As soon as Ruki gets outside she'll hold me as usual and I'll be warm, warm like no other kind of warm i experience with anyone else.  
  
Its really weird how this all came about, Im not sure how it happened either.  
  
You see, 3 years ago, after this party we had all went to...  
  
*flashback*  
  
It was great some kid named Makoto had invited us to it, we all knew him at school, always a good kid, making jokes, the class clown, everyone liked him.  
  
Anyways, we went to this party, i mean it was fun, alot of people from school were there, Makoto's parents were out and i felt like it was just going to me a normal get together party, boy was i wrong..  
  
After about an hour and a half, everything was going fine until he got this crazy idea to start dimming the lights.He left and returned with a box he said had 'booze' in it.  
  
Then Makoto started dishing them out and everyone started guzzling them down like water, even the old tamers, i was shocked, i decided since it was *just* a beer it wouldnt hurt, i tasted a bit and it was horrible, so i didnt touch it anymore.  
  
Takato started drinking alot of it and he kept hanging on Jenyra,singing some old Beatles song,Jenyra had drunk a bit but not nearly as much as Takato, Kenta was holding his head sitting in a corner and Kazu was looking at him with worry, still yet, Kazu was drinking as well.Ryo came earlier for 15 minutes than left and Shianliang was talking with her friends suspiciously in the corner.And well, i hadnt seen Ruki at all..  
  
Makoto was daring people to do stupid things, a few actually did the crazy crap he asked like 'take a leak in the punch' or 'go smash the window with your head.'  
  
After awhile he started getting more daring, daring people to do things to one another.  
  
Sexually.  
  
Its like that kid has some kind of split personality like he changed, but then again, acohol could have been the case.Anyways, he dared, which at that time i didnt hear, for Takato to start making out with Jenyra.  
  
I had went to get some water, when i returned to the room Takato was forcing himself ontop of Jenyra kissing him fiercely.  
  
My eyes started welding up with tears, I mean after i lost Leomon, it was a bad hurt, and i had gotten a bit bitchier towards everyone, maybe it was hanging around Ruki too long but it wasnt like i didnt like Takato, deep down inside..  
  
I took one last glance and ran away crying, searching for someone, anyone to help...  
  
Now it wouldnt hurt me,thinking back on it, but not only was it Takato who had crushed my heart but what Jenyra was doing was just as bad,Ruki had a crush on Jen for the longest time...  
  
And now it was all completely ruined, they didnt like neither of us, i felt so alone..  
  
I ran, ran as fast as my legs could carry me, outside, Then, i found the one person i knew i could trust, the one person i felt like i could only trust at this time.  
  
She was reading one of Steven Kings horror books she recently had become addicted to in the yard outside leaning up against the wall..  
  
I looked up with tear filled eyes.  
  
"Ruki?"  
  
"huh?" she asked,bookmarking the book and setting it down.  
  
"Ive been looking for you everywhere, where did you go?!"  
  
"Just....out here.... i dont like crowds, espically drunken ones." she said walking over-towards me...  
  
"I saw something i didnt want to..."  
  
She looked up at me "What?"  
  
I glanced away, i felt like such a crybaby, "I saw...I saw.." i gulped down trying to calm myself "I saw Takato making out with Jenyra!!"  
  
I fell to the ground, sobbing in a heap of pity,their was a long silence.... then i felt a light touch on my back.  
  
I looked up to see Ruki, her violet eyes shimmering with concern.  
  
"Don't cry, theirs always others.."  
  
I sniffled "Who?"  
  
She shrugged, sitting down on the ground next to me..  
  
"Well......me..for instance."  
  
I looked at her with shock for a bit, maybe she didnt care about Jenyra as she once did? Maybe it was I who she cared about?  
  
"You?" i said softly.  
  
She smiled, leaning over pressing her lips against mine, first, it was strange, but i adjusted and started liking it.  
  
She broke off just as gently as she began, whipping away the remains of my tears and kissing me on the cheek.  
  
"Takato feel that way with Jenyra, but I know this much, I love you Juri.."  
  
And then as if on impulse i pulled her face close to mine, crushing our lips in a tight embrace, proding my tounge inside her mouth.  
  
She groaned abit and I lowered her to the ground on to her back slowly, as if on instinct or something.  
  
It was nearing summer and the grass was at a warm dry feeling, it was almost perfect for love-making..  
  
I lead my kisses from her lips down her neck, slipping off her shirt, she wasnt wearing a bra, I ran my fingers lightly over her breasts, she moaned softly like a dove rubbing herself against me..  
  
I kept kissing down her neck, over her breasts, stopping to suckel on one of her nipples, she moaned louder now, crying out my name as i sucked harder, allowing my hand to roam around, finding its resting point on her crotch, i rubbed it gently and she bucked upwards...  
  
She was so wet, so very wet..  
  
It was ectasy, pure ectasy, like nothing i had ever felt with anyone, that was our first time, of course our make out session didnt last long, only a few moments after we had started i heard footsteps and a voice..  
  
"Oh my god.."  
  
I looked back seeing Jenyra with a very drunken looking Takato pulled over his shoulder.  
  
  
  
It was hard that day to explain anything on that day, but what i had felt with Ruki wasnt just physical, it was emotional....spiritual even..  
  
Then i knew, knew she was the love of my life and no-one or anyone could change that...  
  
Now were walking down the street, she's holding me close, I lay my head on her soft warm breasts, i feel so safe and secure, like nothing or noone could ever hurt me..  
  
We finally arrive at our apartment which we had gotten after being able to prove we could support ourselves..  
  
It was a one-story nice 2 bedroom apartment, she got the keys out of her pocket opening up the door..  
  
"Close your eyes."she said softly.  
  
I did as i was told and she led me into the house, shutting the door behind us.  
  
"Ok, Open them."  
  
I opened my eyes to see the most beautiful boquet of yellow roses i ever laid eyes on..  
  
Yellow, my favorite color..  
  
"How did you know?" i asked in outsoundment.  
  
"Mmm you murmur in your sleep." she said smiling..  
  
I wrapped my arms around her..  
  
"Didnt i tell you not to stay up late reading those books?"  
  
"I cant help it, their addictive!"  
  
I smiled, pulling her closely and kissing her lovingly..  
  
"Ai shiteru Ruki-chan."  
  
~  
  
A/N: Argh, i HAVE to stop typing when im up so late, please dont blame me if this chapter is a bit weirdish, anyways first Yuri lemon attempt, i hope everyone liked it!! ^^; 


	4. Needles

Entries..  
  
A/N:FINAL CHAPTER!!!! *cheers* woo, ive been meaning to finish this fic, FOREVER! argh, anyways, alot of sap, a smidge of angst and more Leekato luvin we all enjoy, with a bit of lime, i promised that didnt i? Anyways, I *WOULD* have done all the Tamer's POV's but i'd never end this fic if i did, erm sorry if i got Lee's lil sister's name wrong, i can *NEVER* remember it! ^_^;;  
  
  
  
  
  
~  
  
  
  
(Lee's Journal)  
  
Jan 6.  
  
  
  
"OW ow Ow!!"  
  
I looked up seeing Kazu knealted over holding his butt and whimpering like a puppy..  
  
"I told you not to let Kenta be dominate in bed." i warned him with a smile.  
  
"Haha, funny, anyways i cant help it, ive been sore for 2 days now, damn those flavoured condoms dont give off good lubericant.."  
  
"Your suppose to use them orally then anally." i said adjusting a wheel on a motorcycle..  
  
"Kenta was really horny! I cant say no to those big puppy dog eyes of his!"  
  
I sighed, Kazu hadnt changed a bit since we were Tamers...  
  
I was just finishing up on this motorcycle, i changed the oil and checked the guages, everything seemed working fine.  
  
I glanced at my watch '5:24' p.m., it was around quitting time, i had to get off and go home to attend to *things*..  
  
OK, so your probably wondering 'Why is Jenyra Lee the only NORMAL one around?' Well Im not excally the normal one.  
  
You see, as you probably already have, alot of the tamers have changed, weither for the best or worst, im not sure, but everyone has changed.  
  
Well maybe after all that shock, i tried buring myself in my studies, trying to avoid sex, drugs, and violence as much as possible, I really have...but, sometimes...it just doesnt work..  
  
Maybe it was just after that party of Makoto's, after i had experienced a bit of drunkeness and so had Takato, much less, he tried to make out with me..  
  
And after seeing Ruki and Jeri, it had just been...hell.  
  
*flashback*  
  
BACK AT MAKOTO'S PARTY..  
  
"Ok, Takato Matsuda, I daaaaare you to...hm, Make out with Jenyra!"Makato said in a slurred speech.  
  
"Okkkkkkkay!" Takato said dreamily, he turned to me, his eyes were droopy and you could smell the achohol on his breath.  
  
Before i had a chance to say anything in the process Takato leaped on me, trying his best (which wasnt much due to the influence) He managed to kiss me on the lips, then he started groping my body, after that i heard a glass shatter, i looked behind me to see Juri for a second and she was out the door.  
  
Now even if I *did* have slight feelings for Takato, I wasnt about to do anything sexual with him while he was drunk, So I pushed him off of me.  
  
He feel back with a slight thud "Jeeenyra!" he moaned, I shook my head and got up.  
  
This was getting insane, all my friends around me were at their worse, this wasnt a party, it was chaos.  
  
So after reconsiling with the other tamers, well the best i could, we decided to ditch this dryed out Party go home, and take some asprin for the hang-over the next morning.  
  
Takato was too drunk to walk, So i had slung him over my shoulder and tryed my best to walk him out, thats when I went looking for Juri and Ruki, which i found in the backyard, engaging in an 'activity'.  
  
Shiuchon was a bit drunk herself, but i warned her I'd tell Okaasan and Otoosan if she didnt leave, so she finally did.  
  
Kazu was trying his best to comfort a now vomiting Kenta, I decided they could find their way home.  
  
So in the process of walking home.....  
  
  
  
"Leeee?" Takato spoke up in a drunken voice.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Wfat happind at Makkato's parraty?"  
  
"You got drunk, so did a bunch of other people."  
  
"Drunk?"  
  
"Under the infulence, You've cosumed alot of Alcohol,Your Intoxicated...so on and so forth"  
  
"You use Bigguh woirds."  
  
"Rright."  
  
We had started nearing his home, I explained the whole thing to Takato's parents, they said they'd handle it and I left.  
  
I was returning home, I walked inside, everyone was gone...  
  
'Shiuchon should be home by now..' i thought to myself, walking to the back of the hallway, i knocked on her door three times (that was our special way of knowing who was at the door)  
  
No awnser.  
  
I opened the door cautiously, just if she *might* be in there...the room was completely empty..  
  
I sighed, lately she had been out alot, i wasnt too sure of what,but i trusted my sister, so i didnt think much into it.  
  
I turned to go out the door when i heard something break, almost like the sound of glass.  
  
I looked down to see a large injection needle benethe my foot, something was in it and was staining the carpet.  
  
I leaned down to pick it up, it didnt smell, strangely, i went to pick it up when a stinging sensation shot thru my hand, i pulled it back almost immediately and glanced at my hand.  
  
Blood.  
  
The glass had cut my hand pretty deep and whatever was in that needle gotten in there too, i didnt think much about it and picked up the glass anyways, throwing it away.  
  
I cleaned my hand and bandaged it, then i returned to my sister's room to see if i could find anymore of that stuff.  
  
Now usually im not the kind of person who goes snooping around in other people's stuff, no, that's not me.  
  
But their had to be a good reason my kyoodai had this junk.  
  
I started looking through the doors, a few magazines, clothes, random girl junk, through her pile of clothes and her closet..  
  
Nothing.  
  
Finally i searched under her bed, i found an old shoe-box and pulled it out.  
  
Hopefully this was it.  
  
I opened the box to find many more of the large injection needles, with tubes full of some kind of liquid and others full of a white powder a wad of money in the side.  
  
Heroin.  
  
My imooto-chan did........drugs?!?  
  
No no, that cant be possible...she..  
  
I couldnt handle it, it wasnt right, that wasnt Shiuchon, that wasnt her at all.  
  
Maybe that's why she was out so much, maybe that's why she didnt come home til late hours of the night..  
  
I should have know.  
  
2 HOURS LATER..  
  
I heard the door creak open and saw Shiuchon come in, she had a box under her hand.  
  
"Moshi Onni-chan." she said quietly.  
  
"What's in the box?"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"I asked you, what's in the box?"  
  
She glanced down at it "Oh nothing.."  
  
"Dont lie Shin, tell me."  
  
"It's nothing Jen, i swear."  
  
I got up from the couch and stormed towards her grabbing the box from her which opened in the process, more needles and little tubes fell on the floor.  
  
"How do you explain this?!!!" i yelled.  
  
"Onni-chan, it's not what you think..I.." she started sobbing.  
  
"You what? Mean to tell me my sweet little sister is a drug-addict, oh swell!"  
  
"No No...you dont understand..."  
  
"I understand fine, Your gonna have a helluva alot of explaining to do when Mom and Dad get home."  
  
"NO! Please please dont tell...Onni-chan!!"  
  
I just walked away, i didnt even want to consider her to be my sister anymore.  
  
She cried the rest of the night, she even confessed to 'kaa-san 'too-san without me even around.  
  
They decided it was best to send her to a rehab for help, and so they did.  
  
Without her around, I went out alot, I still had alot of anger weld up inside of me.  
  
I kept finding myself in the slums of Tokyo, meeting up with gangsters going into bars and the what not, finally i went to one bar, a bunch of people in the corner were injecting themselves with Heroin.  
  
They offered me some, I thought about it brieftly, and figured. 'What the hell.' everyone else was going down the drain, ya cant beat em, join em.  
  
So, I myself, started trying that heroin stuff, if it helped my sister so much, maybe it could help me.  
  
Then i got addicted, i didnt tell anyone, and I wore long shirts to cover up the scars they left, I'd run out of money and get desperate,very violent, I'd beat up any dealer i could find and get some, during my highs I'd do stupid stuff, go out and steal things, vandalize things, even found myself with a couple of prosistutes a few times.  
  
My grades were falling, it didnt matter, everytime i got a report card I'd throw it away, any  
  
letters from the school would be burnt.  
  
I kept no records of my grades, nor any of my problems.  
  
No-one knew, and that's how i wanted it, just like that.  
  
Then finally, my 'Too-san found out, he's been helping me, I was recovering slowly,  
  
I was doing better, Everything was improving, Occassionally I'd get high, but not often.  
  
I was even getting better in Martial-arts, help people with their electronic whenever they needed it, hell I was even helping Kazu in the body-shop.  
  
Until i saw Takato that day, when he, the one person in the world I remotely cared about anymore, hurting himself, all purity was lost, i didnt feel like trying to hold back.  
  
I hurt him, I had to, its all i could stand to do, and then i started crying, i dont know why, then i had to escape...just......escape.  
  
So now,just a month after everything had been going so well, its now been getting worse, my grades are falling again.I still help Kazu, not as often as I used to, and i havent went to see my Sen-sei in forever..  
  
I think i may quit soon, Im not sure, i dont think Im sure of anything now.  
  
My sister is living with my Aunt now, it's closer to the rehab, she's still going, she's suppose to be home this summer.  
  
But what's she going to think of her Onni-chan now?  
  
Now Im even worst off then i was before, Even Kazu notices, but i just make up lies.  
  
I still like Takato, what am i saying, I love him, but i cant face him like i am now, Im just a wreck.  
  
Why would he want me now?  
  
Why would anyone?  
  
I walk outside the shop, on my normal route home, I push my hands in my pockets, feeling the small tube hidden inside.  
  
I don't wanna shoot up again, I dont want to.  
  
But my hunger for the drug is stronger than my will, I'm losing it, I have to get home, I have to.  
  
Just once more.  
  
One more high, and I wont do it anymore.  
  
But something inside me says I will, I just *will*.  
  
-  
  
To Be CONTINUED!  
  
A/N: I SAID LEEKATO!! *smacks self* I also said LAST CHAPTER, unfortunately, somehow 4 chapters isnt gonna finish this fic, so yes, Im gonna be writting more, But i need at least 3 REVIEWS! Yes! Because After 4 chapters some stuff has gotta come out of the readers...soo...gomen nasai! ^^;  
  
3 REVIEWS OR BUST! 


	5. Panic in the Crowds

Entries...  
  
  
  
A/N: YAY! Next chapter, ok so i got 3 reviews!!!!!!! *smooches to everyone* Thank Youuu! ^-^ Anyways, this is gonna be rather short but still a bit limey, Ruri and Hirota with some Leekato angst.  
  
Still more flashbacks but that'll be it, basically from Ruki's output.  
  
Also on the time thing, yeah, a lil messed up in the 1st chapter Takato was talkin about goody goody for awhile (which is slightly right) but they havent seen each other in a month, remember? So, in some weird way, it works. Just thought i'd clear that up ^^;  
  
NEXT CHAPTER I SWEAR will invovle loads and loads of Leekato.Don't get me wrong, it's my favorite coupling of 03!! But, like they say, 'Save the best for last'. The next chapter will be up shortly, I promise!! =)  
  
  
  
  
  
~  
  
  
  
(Ruki's Journal)  
  
STILL Jan 6..  
  
  
  
"Are we out of that herbal shampoo?" Juri calls from the bathroom.  
  
"I think so!!" i yell back, still somewhat lost in my book.  
  
Its funny how Im interested in them, when i was younger I would have never read such things.  
  
But somehow, their just so neat, they let me forget everything, for awhile, it was all i had.  
  
When Renamon parted with me, I'd not just lost a great partner, but my best friend as well..  
  
That's when i started reading, I mean, I didnt really have many other friends, sure the other Tamers were nice, but none of them knew me like Renamon did.  
  
I wouldnt let them, I didnt think it was right.  
  
So after the whole Tamer's thing, we all sorta retired, everything seemed nice and whatnot.  
  
'Kazu and Kenta were closer than usual, Juri was a bit moody, Takato seemed depressed for awhile, as did Lee.  
  
I didn't see much of Shiuchon and Ryo, so i couldnt say much about them, but it seemed normal.  
  
Things never stay the same for a long period of time though.  
  
Everyone got a bit wacko, it was expected, we were teenagers, Im sure you've heard the stories, off of TV,radio, newspapers, whatever.  
  
Teenagers are always doing something stupid.  
  
But after you fulfill your destiny, you feel so...............finished.  
  
Done.  
  
Over.  
  
No More.  
  
It's this whole new *normal* thing, so you follow the crowd and end up screwing your life to hell and back.  
  
Teenagers are suppose to do that right?  
  
We're suppose to make mistakes, do wrong things, rebel.  
  
Sometimes people go too far, for too long.  
  
After loosing Renamon, I was a wreck, a horrible person.  
  
I ran with the wrong gangs, ended up in the worst places, i did acid, cocaine, crack, you name it.  
  
I even prosistuted after awhile.  
  
After all Mistakes, I should have learnt..but only until a horrible accident did i..  
  
  
  
*flashback*  
  
I was running around in the slums of Tokyo as I did every night, I came home in the morning, sometimes with bruises and cuts all over my body.  
  
My mom tried everything, grounding me, physical disaplin, homeschooling..  
  
But still, i prosisted to rebel.  
  
Anyways, there was one of those drunken mobs going on..  
  
First it was fun, drugs and beer galore..  
  
Then it got violent, very very violent...  
  
People were breaking into things, turning over cars, starting fires..  
  
Girls were ripping off their clothes, sleeping with any guy who could get their dirty hands on em.  
  
Somehow in the mix of the whole thing and in my drunken state, yeah i know i shouldnt have drunk...but i did.  
  
I got a bit out of hand, first i was laughing with my friends then it got turned around and they urged me to get on top of a car and dance.  
  
Even if i *didnt* want to, i couldnt stop em, they pushed me until i got up on the car.  
  
Everything was spinning, the crowd was roarings and their was a faint sound of an aumblence in the background.  
  
Before i had a chance about 10 or 8 guys jumped on me, ripping off what little clothes i had.  
  
The alochol was starting to wear off and I was more alert to my surroundings, guys were hooting and howling at my naked vanurable body while others clawed to get to me.  
  
I never felt so scared in my life, i just wanted to get away, run...  
  
I tried but i tripped, 2 or 3 guys got a hold of my legs, 4 others grabbed my upper body...I was being carried out into the crowd..  
  
Then the unthinkable..  
  
The thing that'd change me for life..  
  
They held me down and raped me, 7 at least...  
  
Bruitly hurting my body, i had cuts and bruises everywhere, more than usual..  
  
I struggled but it was no use, they rotated and 2 more joined in...  
  
I was hurting so badly, so scared and angry...  
  
I eventually blacked out..  
  
They medics eventually arrived they said I was rapped 3 more times after I had blacked out, I had 2 broken ribs, had to have over 31 stitches and they said I'd probably never be able to have kids..  
  
For 2 years I cried myself to sleep every night..knowing I was deprived of one of the greatest joys in my life..  
  
My mom sent me to a rehabed for raped and abused victims of domistic violence...after that I was sent to a strick catholic chruch..  
  
I straighted up, I improved too...somehow in the loss of things, i started reading books..  
  
After long debate, i figured, since I'd never be able to have kids and I could no longer trust guys, i might as well be a lesbian..  
  
So now i am..  
  
And i couldnt be happier with Juri, even if we work in a strip-bar, we make good money, we stay loyal to each other and were able to support ourselves.  
  
I'm happy now..  
  
Something about Juri makes me forget all that happened those 5 years ago..  
  
I love her..  
  
  
  
"Mm Im ready for bed."  
  
I look up from my book to see my koi wrapped in a yellow towel, her long brown hair drapping out of the turbin on her head..  
  
"Shouldnt you get dressed?" I smiled a bit.  
  
She laughed softly as she climbed on the bed, nearing me..  
  
"You know i never sleep clothed."  
  
She leans over and kisses me gently on the lips..  
  
I smile and kiss back, pulling her closer "I keep on forgetting.."  
  
She starts stradling her nude body over mine as our kiss deepens, her towel coming off in the process..  
  
I run my hands over her still damp body, her skin was always so smooth...  
  
Then I hear a faint ring from the living room..  
  
'Phone.' i grumbled to myself mentally.  
  
We still continue to make out, and it rings again..  
  
"Should you get it?" she half whispers half moans in my ear.  
  
I sigh "I guess so.."  
  
She rolls off me and I get up, walking to the phone in a sort of slumped manner, Juri following close behind..  
  
I pick up the phone and hear a fimiliar voice..  
  
"Hello, Ruki Makino?"  
  
It's Ryo..  
  
"Yes?"  
  
I listen carefully, to him, awaiting whatever news Im suppose to be recieving.....then i drop the phone in shock..  
  
Juri steps foward, cocern in her bright brown eyes..  
  
"What's wrong Ruki?"  
  
"Get dressed, we have to go to the hospital."  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"Now!"  
  
  
  
*  
  
(Kazu's Journal)  
  
"It hurts when I sit down." I whine, leaning over on the side of Kenta- chan's desk in the morge.  
  
He looks up at me and smiles..  
  
"Aww...Im sorry Kazu-kun.."  
  
He leans towards me smiling suductively..  
  
"Lemme kiss and make it better."  
  
He pulls me into one of those 'death-kisses' of his that i cant simply resist..  
  
Im just too submissive anymore..  
  
His kiss leads down my neck to my collarbone..  
  
"Tell me where it hurts.." he purrs his hand roaming down, down....... closer to my crotch..  
  
"It hurts...right..." I panted as his hand crept nearer and nearer to the one place i *longed* to be touched..  
  
Just then the phone rings.  
  
"Damnit." Kenta curses to himself.  
  
I sigh and he picks up the phone off his desk.  
  
"West Shinjinku Morge, You Kill em We Dice em!" he says in annoyed voice.  
  
"What? Ryo!?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You mean.."  
  
I blink, confused by the matter.  
  
"Oh my god, we'll be right down!"  
  
He hangs up the phone and grabs my hand.  
  
"CMON!!"  
  
*  
  
(Lee's Journal)  
  
I had just walked into the house,closing the door quietly behind me, just in case someone may have been home.  
  
"Heelllo??" I call out into the empty space.  
  
Nothing.  
  
I smile, pulling out the bottle and grabbing a needle out of my other pocket, I began to drain it when the phone rings.  
  
"Shit."  
  
I have half a mind not to awnser it, but who knows, it might be important.  
  
I walk over and pick it up.  
  
"Hello." i sighed exsasperated.  
  
"Lee?! Great! I got ahold of you, listen, Ive called everyone else, your gonna need to get down here as soon as you can."  
  
"Ryo!?" I feel a bit shocked hearing his voice again.  
  
"Yeah! No time for pleasentries...look Takato's down at the hospital,parents found him in his room, lost alot of blood, if he doesnt get a transfusion soon he could die.Close Family and Friends only!!"  
  
"WHAT!?"  
  
"Hurry!!" he hangs up.  
  
My love...Takato....is hurt..  
  
He's dying?!  
  
All thoughts of the heroin or anything else was blanked out.  
  
'Ive got to get out of here!' my mind starts to panic, what if i dont make it in time?!  
  
I grabbed my jacket, pull it on, and run out the door..  
  
Please dont die Takato..  
  
~  
  
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!  
  
A/N: WAH! CLIFFHANGER!!! Woah, this fic is working out!! *spazzes* and Im actually getting reviews ^_^.  
  
Anyways, that should keep you up for more until next time, not excally short but I hope you understand everything a bit better now! Review! Hurry!!!! I need another 3 more pwease! ^_^ 


	6. Remincing and Regretting

Entries...  
  
  
  
A/N:YAY! You guys gave me OVER 3 reviews!! *glomps readers* Ok, SIXTH chapter! God i never thought i'd take this fic this far. @_o Orginally I was gonna start it, then i didnt get any input on it so i didnt write another chapter for a month or so, posted, then reviews came in and i was like 'WOW!' So here it is, thanks to you, anyways, buckets and buckets of LEEKATO! Smidge of Ryokato and Ryolee.  
  
Anyways, again thanks, this is *so* helping my writing career! Gah, dont think im asking for reviews to say 'oh my fic is good' i ask for it to see if people actually like it and for any ideas to help me write!Really! REALLY!! Stop lookin at me that way!!  
  
Just Please dont get the wrong idea ^_^''  
  
And on with the Show! And whatever the hell happened with Ryo n' Taka-chan ^^;.  
  
  
  
~  
  
  
  
(Ryo's Journal)  
  
10:56 pm. Jan 6th (a/n: will the day ever change?!)  
  
  
  
I sigh, pacing the floor of the hospital.  
  
How could he do this!?  
  
God, I just came for a visit and this is what happens?!  
  
Yeah, I had came for a visit to see Takato, I was living in Kyoto working on the digital world information and so on for awhile.  
  
After that I find myself as a janitor in some two-bit porno shop barely making ends meat. ( a/n: er is that meet?! -_-')  
  
  
  
I finally did get enough money to come back to Tokyo, my first stop was Takato, after all, it was he who got me outta the digital world.  
  
My first kiss even..  
  
But it was plain to see Lee and him were engadged in one of those 'silent' relations.  
  
You know, where you exchange body language and what not?  
  
Anyways, i figured i was just upset when i did so, I believe thats what led me to being bisexual in the first place..  
  
But this isnt the case..  
  
*flashback*  
  
You see, I had come just back from Kyoto's 9611 E train to Takato's house, it was *still* the bakery, i couldnt believe it after all these years..  
  
They Matsuda family now has 8 bakeries in all.  
  
Which was great, I'd thought Takato would be happy to see me, his parents invite me in, greetings and what not then lead me up to his room as if i was some little baby.  
  
Which was slightly annoying I must admit but at least i was going to be able to see Takato again which was a good thing since it'd been so long.  
  
Then we open the room to see my friend in a mangled sort of way,cuts all over his body, blood covering him, the floor, almost everything...  
  
It was gruesome..  
  
And its not like those realistic violence tapings, its so much different when you actually *know* the person.  
  
Lastly, their was a razor, one long, metal razor, clenched in Takato's hand, he had fainted from the obviouse loss of blood.  
  
Then Mrs.Matsuda started screaming at the top of her lungs, panic arose and Mr.Matsuda was yelling at me to go and call an ambulience.  
  
I didnt know what to do so i did what they told me,I raced downstairs, grabbed the phone and called up 911 immediately, I got put on hold for a few minutes then they finally took me off..  
  
'911 state your emergency.'  
  
'Hurry! Quick, my friend, he's he's on the floor, theirs blood everywhere, people are screaming You have to get here..!!!!'  
  
'Slow down slow down! Address and location please!'  
  
'184 Kyoodi Street, West Shinjuku, Matsuda's Bakery! Now!!!!!!!'  
  
'Alright, we'll be right down.'  
  
And they hung up..  
  
I waited and Waited..  
  
Finally after what seemed hours of hearing the sobs and fetal attempts by the Matsudas up stairs, the medics arrived, I was searching thru the phonebook calling up all the old tamers.  
  
Their leader was dying for god's sake!  
  
The first assumption was that their had been a struggled and the perpetraitor has feld the scene of the crime.  
  
Or so said the cops, the bakery was closed down and their was alot of commotion going around.  
  
I got down to the Hospital as quickly as I could, the Matsudas had went in the ambulience with Takato so they were already there.  
  
That was 1 and a half hours ago.  
  
I'm pacing the floor in the waiting room now, Im so scared, god I hope he doesnt die, they wont let me go back their because their too 'busy'.  
  
The Matsudas are watching in the room, the nurses says only immediate family can be back there.  
  
Lucky me..  
  
After a little bit..the elevator doors opened and I see Kazu and Kenta walk in...  
  
They sure had changed alot.  
  
"Ryo, dood, what's going on?!" Kazu asked almost immediately.  
  
"Takato's hurt, dying..he's loosing blood, their doing all they can.."  
  
"Is he gonna make it?" Kenta asks.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
So we waited, 10 minutes later Ruki and Juri arrive, I explain everything....  
  
"Are you seriouse?!" Juri asks almost in tears.  
  
"Of course! You'd think I called you all up for the fun of it!?!" I snapped.  
  
She looked down.  
  
"Get off Juri's back!" Kenta said challenging me.  
  
"HEY YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IVE.." I said getting up very un-rascional  
  
Kazu stood up and broke it apart "Hey Hey Cool it!"  
  
We gave each other 'go-to-hell-looks' settled down a bit and sat down with a sigh.  
  
After a moments silence..  
  
"Guess we're all under alot of stress.." Ruki trails off.  
  
"Where's Jen?" Kenta asks looking over at me, his face was softened so i could tell we both sort of flew off the handle a little while ago.  
  
"I don't know, I figured he'd be the first one out of you all." I sighed  
  
Just then, like if magic, or fate or something the elevator doors open and guess who we see?!  
  
"Is Takato alright?" Jenyra panted.  
  
~  
  
(Lee's Journal)  
  
Im trying to catch my breath from running to the hospital and see all my old commerates sitting around (which is rare anymore) looking up at me.  
  
"You made it!"Juri says standing up.  
  
I walk over them and feel my heartbeat slow down "Im so sorry...Short notice i had to go by foot."  
  
"That's ok." Ruki says smiling at me, her violet eyes soft.  
  
I feel comfortable all of a sudden, its so weird being reunited again,with all my old friends...but I still havent seen my closest friend.  
  
"Is he going to be alright?" I ask scared to death.  
  
"We're not sure yet."Ryo says distantly.  
  
"Where's his parents?" i ask looking around.  
  
"In the room with him." Kazu says looking at the tile pattern on the floor.  
  
Silence again.  
  
"So now.....we wait?" I ask, the ex-tamers give me a nod..  
  
So for, i dont know how long, theirs a silence between us all, like were lost in reminince of our beloveded leader,like 'this will be the last time we see him' or 'if he dies.....what are we going to do?'  
  
Maybe me the most of all of them because soon the silence is broken  
  
"Matsuda Takato is going to be fine..but he's still unconicious." a nurse says, she has long brown hair that curls at the tips and soft mocca colored eyes.  
  
"Can we go see him?" I ask egarely.  
  
She nods and I glance back over at the other Tamers.  
  
"I think Lee should go first!" Juri peeps up.  
  
"Me too!" Kazu agrees.  
  
"Same here." Ruki says.  
  
"Agreed."Kenta smiles.  
  
"Huh?" i start wondering why 'me' I wasnt Takato's friend...i wasnt worthy of being so, but seeing all those faces and them agreeing on one thing was a mircale.  
  
"Go on Jen!" Ryo said.  
  
I stood up, giving them all one last uneased look, then glanced at the nurse..  
  
"Follow me." she said politely.  
  
So i did.  
  
I never noticed how everything in the hospital was so......white...the walls were crying out in the most brilliant of light colors and blinded me for awhile.  
  
At least its better than that black...but both of those are practically the same...they mean....emptiness.  
  
I felt alot of that lately.  
  
My thoughts soon came to a hault as the nurse stopped by a room, the door was shut.  
  
She opened it gently, the room was cascaded in a soft shadow, dim low lights were casting a warm yet seriouse atmosphere around the the place, the walls were lined in a blue very plain pastal wallpaper and the place was filled with all sorts of medical equitment..  
  
The room smelt so clean, my eyes wondered over to the Matsudas, Mrs.Matsuda was sobbing over her son's bed while sitting in a chair and Mr.Matsuda was rubbing her shoulders and reassuring her.  
  
"You two take a rest, get something to eat and try to relax a bit, your son is in stable conditions and the best of care." the nurse said in a coaxing voice.  
  
"C'mon honey." Mr.Matsuda cooed to his wife, she sniffled and stood up.  
  
They walked out of the room embraced for comfort.  
  
"I'll leave you alone with the patient." and with that the nurse left.  
  
It was just me and Takato, I walked over, slowly, catiously, to his bed, I was so shocked to see my love in such a state..  
  
Their was in IV in his right arm, pumping in blood,his nose had a plug in it as well and it seemed to help him breathe,he seemed to be already dressed in hospital clothes and he was attached to a heart mointer that kept his rhymticatic heartbeat..  
  
Takato's heartbeat..  
  
I listened to the steady beat, it soon became unise with my own.  
  
I glanced more over his body, their were many scars covering his lightly tanned body and new wounds that had been wrapped up, some of the blood had been seeping through the bandages,he had one around his head even, and it did look as though he had gotten into a browl..  
  
Subcontiously i was edging myself closer to him whilst looking over his innocent body..  
  
My hand reached out to stroke his forehead but i felt myself shaking I was afraid I was going to kill him by touching him..  
  
Instead I pulled up a chair next to his bedside, and watched him breathe..  
  
He was so beautiful like this..  
  
Even if he was in a distressed state, Takato always had a glow to him..  
  
I soon found myself holding his hand tightly and stroking his soft chestnut hair..  
  
Singing an old chinese lullaby to him even..  
  
Then i heard a cough and looked up.  
  
Ryo was standing in the doorway.  
  
"Ryo! What are you doing in here?! Your just gonna sit their and stare?!" i whispered loudly.  
  
"Two vistors at a time.And anyways I didnt want to break up the moment." he remarked.  
  
"What moment?"  
  
"The moment you two 'lovebirds' were having and excuse me you were the one staring!"  
  
"I wasnt staring!" i said bitterly.  
  
"Oh don't deny it Jen, Your in love with the guy, everyone sense it." Ryo smirked walking close to Takato's bed.  
  
I remained silent.  
  
"Why dont you just tell him?" Ryo said, breaking the silence.  
  
"I'm not what he wants.."  
  
"What do you mean your *not* what he wants? Your what he needs!"  
  
"No I'm not."  
  
"Havent you seen the boy lately, he's a mess!"  
  
"Not as much as me." I mumble.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Look, you dont understand,even if I did tell him, he wouldnt love me, Takato isnt *that* way."  
  
Ryo laughs "I must disagree good ol' chap, cuz when we were 10 we kissed."  
  
I looked up at him wide eyed "What?!"  
  
"Well I did the kissing for the most part, and from what Ive heard he's alot *that* way."  
  
"But still....i dont think he'll love me." i sigh.  
  
"You'll never know if you dont try. Besides,we're all human ne?"  
  
And with that he left.  
  
I dwelled on that thought...long and hard.  
  
I wouldnt know.  
  
I had to at least try..  
  
God knows if anyone will forgive me.  
  
But I had to try..  
  
I pull his hand up to my lips and kiss it gently.  
  
"I hope you wake up soon Koi..."  
  
  
  
~  
  
(Takato's Journal)  
  
9:34 am Jan 7th (a/n: the day changed, yay!)  
  
Pain.  
  
That's the first thing I feel, aching...all over, im so lightheaded.  
  
I try and open my eyes but everything is so blurry and bright.  
  
I look around, the hospital...how did i get....here?  
  
I remebered being really depressed, I went in my room to cut and I felt there wasnt a reason for matulating myself much longer and I might as well get the whole thing over with..  
  
And i remember seeing blood.....everywhere.  
  
Then darkness..  
  
And here i am.  
  
I glance around my pale room, not even realising I was sitting up, alot of flowers and balloons were around my bed as were alot of a equitment.  
  
Then I see him.  
  
Lee, sleeping, on my bedside, his hand close to mine.  
  
He stayed here all night?  
  
Did he save me?  
  
Should have left me to die..  
  
I just wanted to die...so much for that..  
  
I was so confused by the matter but so happy to see Lee, Ive been waiting everyday, longing, just to see his beautiful face.  
  
And now he's here..  
  
I stare at him unknowlingly, he's so beautiful with the sunshine shining over his pale yellow skin, his dark blue locks falling lightly over his face, the way his face gently curves..  
  
I reach out to touch his cheek and he awakes aburtly, in shock I pull my hand back.  
  
He blinks blurred eyed then realises what's going on..  
  
"Takato-kun! Im so sorry!" he starts apologising.  
  
"For what?"  
  
He stares at me for a second and begans talking again  
  
"For staying here, I didnt mean to fall asleep."  
  
"Its ok! Really..that was very, kind."  
  
"No just stupid, I'll be going." he makes a attempt to leave but i grab his hand.  
  
"You seem troubled....do you have something to tell me?" I asked concerned.  
  
His silver eyes seem so saddened.  
  
"Takato I.."  
  
"What?"  
  
He glances away.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
I feel like he's hiding something, like he's trying to keep some big secret from me.  
  
"Please Jen..tell me!" I plead.  
  
"I gotta go." He grabs his jacket and walks out.  
  
I wish I knew...  
  
I wish I told him.  
  
God Im such an idiot!  
  
"I love you Jen!!" I call out.  
  
But theirs no answer.  
  
~  
  
TO BE CONTINUED!  
  
A/N: Haaaaaaaaaaah, was that Leekato-y enough? Ok Ok, so it was rather strange I do admit..I dont know why i ended it like that, i just did, so sorry.Anyways, the next chapter WILL have lime fluff and everything and will be the ACTUAL end.  
  
Uhhmm...Reviews? *laughs bitterly* 


	7. When the Rain Dries

Entries...  
  
  
A/N:ALRIGHT! Finally, the last chapter has arrived, so has all the Leekato!! I know you guys have been wanting this for a *long* time, and my friends, patience is a virtue! Ok so this chapter is really corny and sappy, FLUFF IS GOOD! Im sick of angst fics, its like everyone's life is hell, well anyways, I best warn you, yaoi lemon in this chapter. Yeah it should be rated NC-17 but this fic has a good plot and will stay R.  
  
At least I think it does.  
  
Ok Since im a lazy beeyatch and some more time passage besides a WEEK or so needs to go on Im gonna skip ahead a couple of months.  
  
Also, Im gonna roll off tons of credits at the end and *yes* Shiuchon will be in this chapter too!Anyways, for all you loyal readers....  
  
HERE'S YOUR LEEKATO!! *cheering is heard* ^o^   
  
  
~  
  
  
(Takato's Journal)  
  
March 7th  
  
-  
  
Its been two months now and I have recovered from my hospitalization.Also I have recovered from my sadomaschoism.  
  
I didnt think i could, but i did..I really did.  
  
After my whole 'near-death' experience my parents FORCED me to have a long painful and personal conversation with them.  
  
I explained the crash.  
  
I explained the party.  
  
I explained the problems.  
  
I explained everything in precise detail.  
  
I even told them about Lee..  
  
I told them I was gay.  
  
I never imagined my parents to accept it, maybe it was just because I was sobbing and yelling at the time, maybe because of the scars i showed them.  
  
Hell I dont know.  
  
But somehow in someway, they accepted.  
  
And after that, everything seems to simple.  
  
Its like I was living in some dark deep cold room, then someone flips on a light.  
  
I laugh thinking about it now, all the time i could have saved, all the problems I could have resolved just by simply being down right honest.  
  
Everything is perfect...  
  
Well..  
  
Almost Perfect.  
  
You see, even if im doing better in school, with my friends, and with my parents..  
  
Something is missing..  
  
Compainship,Trust,Devotion,Purpose..  
  
Love..  
  
The love I seemed to lose so long ago, I love i yearned for day after day for years..  
  
The love of my one true love..the love ive been dying to give, the love ive been dying to recieve..  
  
Lee's love.  
  
God, If i could just be held in his arms  
  
To be told sweet words on stormy nights  
  
To be loved, wanted, accepted..  
  
To be *his*  
  
Every bone is my body ached for that, I waited, Waited so patiently..  
  
Hell I even saved myself just in case..  
  
And it ripped my heart up to not have seen nor talked to him this whole time, or to just *tell* him how I feel..  
  
I call over to his house all the time, his parents say he wasnt there, I visit all the places we used to go, the places where Lee would be..  
  
But nothing.  
  
Worringly this went on for two weeks or so..  
  
I hope I find him soon..  
  
I sigh, looking down at the crowded streets, even if its March its rather nippy today and all i have on is a thin windjacket.  
  
I shiver and wrap my jacket closer around my body, the cold wind was stinging my face and blowing without mercy.  
  
I hope i can get home in this.  
  
The sky was covered in dull gray clouds that look like they were going to burst, and leaves were wistling through the air..  
  
I can feel raindrops starting to drip down..Great its raining..  
  
As I was passing by an alley and caught something in the corner of my eye..  
  
Was that?!  
  
I stopped walking, I hesitated...  
  
Could it...?  
  
I looked back, it had to be, had to be! I started running through the crowd pushing and shoving my way through, it has to be, gots to be!!  
  
The rain is pouring down now wetting the concrete and enhancing the smell of the city..  
  
Finally I make it to the alley, its graffitti and garbage stained, it reminded me of the places i used to go and cut..  
  
Rats were scurring away and you could see the disgusting flith hanging out of the overfilled garbage cans, the smell was horrible and the wetness dripping from the sky wasnt helping but i bared it and went on..  
  
Since the alley turned into yet another alley I still had a chance I raced and turned the corner only to find someone in a long overcoat that was pure black, they had another black instrument poised to their head.  
  
"LEE!" I call out, just hoping it was him..  
  
The person turned around and sure enough a very frightened yet very angry rain-soaked Jenyra Lee faced me a handgun to his temple..  
  
My god he's gonna..  
  
"Lee! Put the gun down!"   
  
"Why should i?!" He yells, his finger on the trigger trembling his silver eyes alit on fire.  
  
"Why are you doing this?!?"I'm yelling now but its really hard to hear anything because of the rain..   
  
"You cant awnser a question with a question!" he bellows.  
  
"I dont want you to get hurt!"  
  
"It's not like you care!" he sneers.  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?! You think I came this whole way because i didnt care?!"  
  
"If you cared you would have been around!"  
  
"Around for what? I couldnt Jen! I could never find you I tried!!" I'm suddeningly calling him from his first name, I never did that, well only when we were younger..........  
  
"Stop fucking lying Takato! You were too wrapped up in your life to care about me!"  
  
"What?!"   
  
"Im just going to end it all! Noone cares, noone would!"  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?! Your family loves you! They care!! God Jen, I care!!" I could feel myself trying to hold back tears.  
  
"Like it matters! My life is a living hell, theirs no way to escape, Im going to die anyways, why wait?!"  
  
"Dont talk that way!!!!!! You can get help!!" Tears were streaming down my face at this point, hopefully he wouldnt be able to tell because of the rain "I'll help you Jen, I'll help you!!"   
  
"Cant you see what your doing?!" I sob "Your going to kill yourself over some fucking stupid problem!! Your not even considering the people who care and love about you! Your being a selfish bastard Jen!! People care about you, they love you!!God, *I* love you! OK! I love you Jen!!!!!!!!"  
  
Im just crying, I dont know whats happening, I havent heard a gunshot, only a metal clanking sound, he must have dropped the gun but my eyes are too watered up and the rain is pouring down so hard its almost impossible to see..  
  
But then i feel a hand on my shoulder and a warm body next to mine..  
  
"Takato.."  
  
I turn around and hug Lee tightly, not wanting to let go, not wanting to lose him.  
  
"I dont want to lose you!!" I sob into his chest "I love you, Please Jen dont go!!"  
  
"I didnt..think.."  
  
"Thats right you DIDNT THINK!!"I say in a rageful sob.   
  
"Im...Im..so..sorry..Taka-kun...  
  
A silence.  
  
He gulped and finally said in a quiet voice "I love you too."  
  
I embrace him tightly, still crying, out of pain,regret and happiness, in the an dirty alley in the pouring rain.  
And we're like that...for a really long time..  
  
Then the rain lightens up, I look up at him, my eyes are still hurting and probably red from all the crying i did..  
  
"You promise to help me Takato.....?" he says slowly.  
"On my life."  
  
He smiles, leans down and kisses me lightly on the lips..  
Somehow...I feel things are going to be better now..  
  
~  
  
(Lee's Journal)  
  
June 7th  
  
-  
  
I can't believe this guy done it!  
  
He actually helped me..  
  
I swear he's an angel.  
  
And when I look at him now, i melt.  
  
How could I have been so stupid, been so scared, and so cold???  
  
I hate myself for being that way...but when Im around Takato..  
I dont feel bad, I dont feel anger,hate, or angst..  
  
I dont feel lonely.  
  
He makes me feel so special and wanted..  
  
For those many years I lost that feeling of being cared for and wanted..  
  
I lost the feeling of love..  
  
And now, now its like old times again, everything is right and wonderful (a/n: *coughs* corny)  
  
Shiuchon is coming home this weekend, I cant wait to see her!  
  
I cant wait to tell her what I had done and how I had recovered, I know she has too she kept sending me letters though I didnt reply, It took awhile myself to recover, Well Im not completely recovered from my heroin addiction but its nowhere where it used to be..   
  
Ive had tons of tests, today i get the results I hope Im clean..  
  
I take a heavy sigh, looking at the envelope addressed to 'Mr.Jianliang Lee' Im waiting for Takato to come over from school, then we can share the news together..  
  
It's 3:45 pm, he should be here anytime..  
  
I sigh falling on my back ontop of my bed, looking up at the ceiling, I cant stand waiting! Its toture..  
I close my eyes, letting myself drift into pleasant thoughts and slowly...into sleep.  
Everything seems dim, like it is when Im about to fall asleep then i hear a faint fimiliar voice..  
  
"Jen-chan, Koi?"  
  
My eyes fling open and I see a casually dressed Takato peeking through my door.  
  
"Takato! Come in Come in!" I say sitting up.  
  
He smiles one of his sweet smiles walks in and flops down on the bottom of my bed,dropping his backpack on my floor in the process.  
  
"So whats up?" He asks, his soft brown eyes locked on me.  
  
"I got the test results in today, I waited to open it because i wanted you to be here to share the news." I said smiling and waving the envelope in the air.  
  
"What are you waiting for?? Cmon!!"He rushes me excitedly.  
  
I smile and tear open the thin paper covering, the unfold the letter inside.  
  
I read over it carefully...  
  
'You have been tested for the following dieases; HIV,AIDS,Hepatitis B and C, here are the results,  
  
HIV:NEGATIVE  
AIDS:NEGATIVE  
HEPATITIS B:NEGATIVE  
HEPATITIS C:NEGATIVE  
  
Thank you for using the Tamachi Health Center.'  
  
I blinked reading it over again, this was right...wasnt it...???  
  
"Jen....is everything ok?" Takato asks.  
  
"Everything is Negative!!" I say happily.  
  
"Oh Jen!" Takato squeels pulling me into a tight hug "I knew it was all going to be ok, I told you so didnt i?"  
  
I smiled "Yeah you told me." He soon lets go, and looks up at me.  
  
"Everything worked out, see there isnt anything to worry about."  
  
"I should have known Takato, I mean the way I acted before was....."  
  
"A bit dumb."  
  
"And I didnt think..."  
  
"That you'd love me."  
  
I smile helplessly at him, he knew me too well, at least he was one of the few people, and quite frankly I was glad he was one of those people.I couldnt possibly imagine someone better to me.  
  
There is a peaceful silence but I finally manage to speak up.  
  
"Taka-chan." I whisper.  
  
"Hmn?"  
  
I glance away from him, not sure how to put my feelings into words "We've known each other for awhile, and we've went through good and bad.Everything, for better or worse....and..I thought now would be the time to--" I gulp and blush lightly "advance it." I smile looking up at him.  
  
He looks so shocked, at first Im scared but he soon smiles happily "Oh Jen..." he croaks.  
  
Before I know it, Im leaning over kissing him, he pauses then begins kissing me back.I smile into the kiss, soon Im placing my tounge in his mouth, light touches and soft kisses turn into feverish strokes and wet passionate kisses.  
  
Suddenly he stops it, I feel a bit dazed the adrenline was really getting to me, he looks up at me with big innocent mocca eyes "What about your parents?"  
  
I stop, begining to dread on that thought until I remember "My father is out on a bussiness trip, he'll be back tomorrow, my mother is away seeing my grandmother and no-one else knows were here, besides the fact if we *do* make a mess or bother the neighboors my father owns this building so theirs nothing to worry about."  
  
He looks slightly confused at first but soon grins and pulls me down into another hot kiss.  
  
I dont know what comes over me after that, I never dreamed of myself being dominant in a sexual relationship but Im doing it, Im pulling down his clothes lowering my hands touching him in places making him whimper,shutter and groan.  
  
Everything is so intoxicating, its not just like something physical but its more, emotional spiritual.  
Soon we're completely naked, panting,craving, wanting.  
  
I get into position, I have no lubericant but I'm going to try to be as gentle as possible.In the blaze of passion a small voice of reason dwells in my mind, even though I've done this before, Takato hasn't.  
  
I look down at him, he looks so vunerable but his glaze eyes beg to differ.I run my hand gently over his face, kiss his cheek and whisper "Do you want this Takato?"  
  
He smiles, licks my sweat-soaked cheek and whispers back "Of course I do Jen." he pauses then lowers his eyes suductivly "I wanted this *so* long."  
  
I kiss him once more passionately then assume position again, I hestiate slightly knowning this will trigger off a few things, pain,pleasure and taking aways Takato's virginity.  
  
Placing my tip on his enterance I let out a sigh, looking at Takato who gives me a reassuring nod I push in, slowly to ease the pain.  
  
But now this all doesnt matter, Takato's arching his back and screaming out,  
  
"JEN!!!"  
  
~  
  
(Shiuchon's Journal)  
  
June 9th  
  
The sun is shinning, the birds are chirping, and the breeze is softly blowing through the leaves making a relaxing rustling sound.  
  
I sigh, the sunshine is dancing over my skin, today's a new day.  
  
A brighter better day.  
  
It's summer, I'm finally home.Back where I needed to be, though it would have never been like this if I would have never went to my friend's party and tried herion, then got hooked.  
  
My family isolated me for 2 years, in which I had to go to rehab the other 1 year I spent in reform school.  
Boy did that shape me up.  
  
But now, now everything is better.I'm finally going to get to see my onnichan for the first time in 3 years! I can't help but be happy today.  
  
He wrote me an email, saying he had a suprise for me and to meet in the park where we all used to, I can't wait to see what it is.  
  
I can't help but smile as kids run past me, playing with toys, chasing each other running around on the playground, just how all us tamers *used* to be.But we grew up, grew apart and cold.Now I can only pray that things will return as they used to.Sure I was the youngest of all the tamers back then, and I know I didn't understand everything they were always talking about.  
  
But now, I think I do.  
  
I remember Jenyra telling me 'Looking into the past always taints the future.' I can't forget my past but I certainly can get over it.  
  
I keep telling myself Im a different person.  
  
The one I used to be, not the heroin drug-addict I used to be.  
  
I was still the same Shiuchon I was when i was 8, and frankly that's how I want it.  
  
I can vaguely remember the place we all used to meet, in this park of course, I think by some Dinosaur type things.I wish I had Lopmon to remind me.  
  
Looking down at the email I had printed out at my aunt's house I squint trying to see if I can still remeber it.  
  
I glance over and surely enough there are dinousaur type things, a bit old looking but yet still there after all these years, I see some figures and assume the obviouse.  
  
I run over, waving and smiling "Onnichan Onnichan!"   
  
A tall man with deep sapphire hair turns around, I reconize the face immediately.  
  
"Shiuchon!" Jenyra smiles, I run up and hug him tightly telling him I loved him over and over.  
  
We do that for awhile and I let go, and standing all around me are all the 'former' tamers,Takato,Ruki,Juri,Hirokazu,Kenta and even Ryo.  
  
"What a surprise!" I say smiling the way I used to, they all look so much different than I last remembered them, yet somewhat the same.  
  
They all smile and ask me the normal greetings you know 'hi' 'how are you?' 'my you've grown!' I can only laugh, I feel so at peace.  
  
Finally we all decide to sit down in a circle, they way we used to when we were trying to think up good plans.  
  
It doesnt matter if the grounds dirty, because at this moment we're all kids again, like reliving the past, my good past at least.  
  
Finally with a sigh of happiness,relief and a sense of inner-balance, I look around at the group, smile and ask,  
  
"So, What's up?"  
  
~FIN  
  
OWARI  
  
A/N: BUAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I FINISHED, I FINISHED!! *dances around happily* Oooh you never thought I would, but BUAHA I did I *DID*!!!! Er, anyways, You like? Ahh your leekato did arrive so did this last chapter!! Well I've hoped you've all had a good time reading this, I most certainly had a wonderful time writting it.  
  
So Review, REVIEW YOU MONKEYS! *grabs a glass of lemOnade and rests* 


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